Another Year Older

Another year wiser.

Ok maybe not so much, but I have so much to be thankful for. This past year has been so eventful! We welcomed our 3rd precious baby, moved into our own place, W is a kindergartner (& loves it!), M started talking in full sentences to jeremy and I recently, and although we've seemed to have caught every cold and virus, so far we gotten over things rather quickly.

I have learned so much about myself as a person and mother, which I could not have done, had it not been for my loving husband. Without whom I really do not know where I'd be.  He is such an opposite to me it's funny. I get so wrapped up in life, but he reminds me to slow down, almost as much as my 3 beautiful babies do.

One of the reasons I love my birthday, is because it is so close to Halloween. W is going to be Skippy Jon Jones, M is going to be a Cute Skelton (if she wears it, she's not really having it), and Little J is a spider. This is the first Halloween M gets to go out since her first and second didn't happen. For her first Halloween it snowed and her second was Sandy. It is J's VERY FIRST Halloween!!!!! So excited!!!

Thanks for reading!

Mama H.

When you hear the words Autism & Autistic

Many people assume the worst. Fact of the matter is not all people with Autism are the same. If you know one person with Autism, you know ONE person with Autism.

M has a "high functioning" form of Autism.  She is average to above average intellectually,  however her devolpmental, emotional and verbal capacities are delayed. She will have to go through Occupational Therapy,  Speech Therapy, and Applied Behavior Analysis. Her diagnosis is simular to that of  Asperger's, but she doesn't have the language development of a child with Asperger's. But of course there are other simularities and differences with other Autisms as well.

The outlook right now is good. She is blessed to have the diagnosis,  and I can honestly say she is blessed we had the cajones (pardon my spanish), to say, "something's not right with our child". It would have been easier to push it aside, or let the school deal with it, so to speak, but I just could not do that to her. That would not be fair to her.

I know it could be a lot worse, and I am so thankful we have been blessed with this journey. I know it will be tough, I know it won't be easy, but I also know that this is part of a plan that Heavenly Father has made for me and my family. We are going to learn so much from her.

Thanks for reading,

Mama H.

A Diagnosis: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Language Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorder

 Yesterday J, M, Little J and Myself went to Children's Specialized Hospital in Mountainside NJ. This has been a long time coming and we have to pay out of pocket most likely due to a mix up from our Family Physician. That should be the part I am worried, anxious and in tears about, as we DO NOT have the funds to pay for that. It is only 500 dollars but that is 500 dollars we don't have at this time. We have not extra cash for this at the moment. I am anxious, worried and in tears for my baby.

 I have suspected Autism for a long time. We have been on the waiting list for Children's Specialized since August 2012. 1 year 2 months and 18 days to be exact. Yes I know that of hand. I can honestly tell you that I have wanted to scream at people for telling me she is "fine", that this was a "phase" and my favorite, "but she makes eye contact". Thank you for noticing. What they fail to notice are the small things that bother her, her inability to do things a child her age should be doing, among other things. While yes, she is "looking" at you, she is not looking AT you. There is a difference.

 Why was I so shocked, heartbroken even, that my baby was diagnosed with exactly what I had expected all this time? I couldn't tell you. I can tell you that I had optimistically prepared myself to be wrong. I told myself that it was in my head. Quite honestly, how could you prepare your self to be right. I think while every mother knows her child, you still fear what is unknown and sometimes the known. This hurts me probably more than she will ever even care about her diagnosis. While I don't know first hand what she is going through or the world she has to live in, where everything is not the way we see, hear, smell and taste it to be, I think seeing her go through this, and not being able to fix it, is what hurts me. I can do what I can in our environment to make  it as suitable for her as possible, but I can't help but hurt at the thought of her not understanding that people can be mean.

 Just today she had a melt down at walmart, because she wanted to walk not sit in the cart. Normally you can tell a child that enough is enough and if you don't behave we will leave. For Meira she can't understand that. It is a VERY big deal that she can't walk. I hugged her, told her it was okay and we rode out the tears together. It was a short episode so we were able to move on with our shopping. All the while getting stares yes it probably looked like she was a typical 2 year old freaking out, but it's not the case. I can't wear a huge sign saying "hey stop staring at my Autistic Child or I'll throat punch you", but let me just say I'd like to!

 My emotions are still so raw. Normally stares mean nothing or I combatively apologize by saying something like "sorry, she has special needs", but not today. Today they meant she was different, I AM DIFFERENT. Not in a "different from the cool kids" type way; meaning we are different people now. This sounds petty even as I am typing it, but I wont let anyone try to un-justify the way I feel right now. I don't want to here it will be OKAY or at least she's high functioning. NOT TODAY, not this minute. Maybe later I can hear it, but TODAY I need to feel MY emotions. I don't care if you have made special education your life's career. I am HER mother. I have loved her since conception, I have dreams for her, so I get to feel the way I need to.

 Sorry told you I am still emotionally raw lol. I will (hopefully) keep updating as much as I can on M, W and Little J as much as possible. Thanks for reading.

Mama H.